Samuel was born with a very big appetite. From the moment he was born he latched on and nursing him was a breeze – well apart from the initial agonizing pain but I’ve been told is apparently normal and just one of the many things we live through to earn our stripes as a mother.
Thomas was another story. It took three months for him to finally get it but I was able to supplement by pumping. We rarely had to give him formula. In fact I found a full can of expired formula in the cupboard last year that had never been opened.
Now the tables have turned and I feel Samuel’s appetite is more than I can handle. He has at least 2 or 3 bottles of formula each day and doesn’t seem satisfied when I nurse him. The worst part? When he gets frustrated by not getting enough milk, he bites. Right now he only has his bottom teeth but the top ones are on the way and I don’t even want to think about what that means.
So I now need to decide… do I continue trying to nurse when I can and make the effort to pump a measly 4 ounces a day? Or do I come to terms with the fact that I have given him a good 8 months of breast milk and call it a day.
I feel very emotional about this decision. I had a 12 month goal in mind and to not reach that makes me feel like I am failing myself and my baby. Not that I even think Samuel will mind very much. He loves the bottle – it means he can still look around while enjoying his meal. Maybe I just need to let go of the ideal.
And let’s face it, we could do without the added cost of formula.
So I have a big decision to make. Once I stop there’s really no turning back.
Off to pump now while I think about it.