Author Archives: Nicole

Broken Hearted

He’s still tiny, can only say a few words (well, we think they’re words) and is not even walking (although has been teasing us for months), but this child has so much power over me.

For a few months now, he has been a Daddy’s boy. That’s not a bad thing – it gives me a bit of a break – but still, as a mother you secretly want you child to prefer you. In fact, it seems wrong if they don’t. I carried him in my belly, nursed him and spent every waking moment with him for the first few months of his life. Don’t I deserve to be the favourite for just a little while longer – at least until he is three when his strong personality and stubborness will make him the perfect daddy’s boy.

It hit an all time low the other night when Samuel would NOT come to me. He gripped onto Kei’s shirt so tight that I had to peel his fingers away just to put him to bed. He bent his back and squirmed in an effort to get out of my arms.

In the safety of his bedroom, between stories, we had a talk. I told him how much it hurt me and how much I loved him and he responded by pointing to a picture of a rooster and babbling something. (The kid makes no sense). Then the next morning as soon as we reached daycare he couldn’t wait to get out of my arms again and reach for his teacher.

Everyone tells me it’s a phase but a large part of me feels guilty – for giving up on breastfeeding at 7 months, for no longer having Wednesdays off which means he spends more time in daycare than with me, for being busy whenever we are together – getting ready for daycare, cooking dinner, getting ready for bed.

… But one more possibility crossed my mind tonight. My eyes were hurting yesterday so I wore my glasses for the first time since I had Samuel (I usually wear contact lenses). Maybe Samuel didn’t like mummy in glasses.

Still, I made sure I spent more time with Samuel tonight. I put the laundry on after he had gone to bed, and we had frozen pizza for dinner so I didn’t have to cook and had more time to play. I think it worked a little bit. He was not afraid to come near me and we had a few moments of bonding over play food and wooden blocks.

Just to be safe, though, I’ll be putting my contact lenses back in tomorrow.

Benema at the Beach

It has been so long since we’ve been out to the Oregon Coast. It’s only a couple of hours away, but usually the only time we can go is on the weekend. A sunny weekend means half of Portland is trying to get to the beach and with only a couple of two-way highways to choose from, traffic can add a couple more hours to the trip. Add in a couple of kids, diapers that need to be changed and constant requests for snacks and it can be hell on wheels.

So we waited until the time was right – an unusually sunny May week in Portland and some extra entertainment for the kids in the form of Uncle Ben and Auntie Emma.

The weather was incredible – sunny, warm and a very small breeze. Of course it was the Oregon Coast so not exactly swimming weather (it never is, thanks to the frigidly cold water courtesy of Alaska), but it WAS beach weather. And of course I took photographs…a lot of photographs. Here are just a few.

We bought a Kite.

Thomas, it appears, is quite the kite flyer.

I promise, it only looks like they’re destroying their nephew’s sand castle.

And what’s a beach without sand? I’m still finding it weeks later. I wish I’d managed to take photos of this child rolling around in it. His goal in life is to create more laundry.

And this was only the first half of the day. More to come…including a long-awaited visit to the cheese factory with a familiar outcome.

So Unfortunately “Nicole” Has a Reputation

I was reading  a blog where it was suggested that you can use Google to generate funny little anecdotes about yourself. Type in “Unfortunately [your name]” and then see what comes up in the list of searches. Of course her’s were all very artistic and civilized (she has a literary name). Mine on the other hand…

  • Unfortunately, Nicole never considered the fact that she could get pregnant while doing alcohol and drugs while having unprotected sex. [this really was the first thing to come up]
  • Unfortunately, Nicole was having a wardrobe malfunction.
  • Unfortunately Nicole is a typical white Australian [this one was in reference to Kidman]
  • Unfortunately, Nicole seems to have an incredible memory, or maybe because she’s just hungry for gossip.

So to help overcome the stereotype, I am going to go ahead and post a few photos from my girls weekend in Seattle. We were drinking soda, of course. 🙂

And to prove I was really there – the only photo of me. The only that will be posted anyway…

And to answer your question… yes, we really are that funny. I did not stop laughing the entire weekend.

Pure Joy… well, I’m working on it.

Heading to Seattle for a girls’ weekend tomorrow. I’m sure Samuel won’t look like this while I’m gone, but I’m pretty sure I’ll have a smile on my face after a few cocktails and a night on the town.

I’ll miss my boys…but every mama needs some girl time. And it’s well timed after the week I’ve had. While I don’t expect to return refreshed (it takes much more than one night away to do that), I do hope to come back with a renewed appreciation for the fun parts of life. Sometimes work takes control of my emotions. This weekend is about getting them back to where they need to be.

Oh and Thomas knows just how to cheer me up. I was telling Kei a story in the car on our way to dinner about something that happened at work today – something that was not my fault, but that really upset me. Thomas kept trying to interrupt to tell me something, but I kept telling him to wait and be patient. He interrupted about 3 or 4 times and each time I told him to wait – each time a little more forcefully.

Finally I had a break in the conversation and I turned to Thomas and told him he could tell me his story now. Without a beat he replied “I want to get some roller skates”.

I have no idea where it came from – I didn’t even know Thomas knew what roller skates were – but the comment was so random and unexpected that it made me laugh and completely lifted me out of the funk.

Talk about bringing me back to the true priorities in life…

Ben

We haven’t always had the best relationship. In fact I recall hating him when we were teenagers. I think it was combination of being too close in age (17 months) and the competitive spirit that we both possess.

High school was tough for me. I was on the outskirts of about three different cool groups – which meant I wasn’t popular at all. Ben came up behind me and was voted Prefect (= popular). I was in the chorus in the school musicals. Ben was lead. I got straight A’s (OK a few B’s). Ben got straight A+’s with a few A’s.

But over the years our lives drifted in separate directions. I took the straight path – University straight after High School, travel, marriage, job. Ben was more interested in an artistic life with less responsibility (and less money – sometimes supplemented by my parents which was another source of frustration for the always-responsible oldest child). He didn’t understand me and I didn’t understand him.

But now that I am 34 years old and Ben is 32 we find our lives merging again and suddenly there is a renewed respect for each others’ life choices. Granted, he has drifted more toward the standard path over the past few years (regular job, car, looking for a house), but there seems to be a level of appreciation and understanding that wasn’t there before. We’re not in competition anymore (well, not all the time) and we can have adult conversations about the paths we both took to get where we are.

I still don’t understand his obsession with junk food – specifically missing out on a visit to Burgerville (ok, maybe I understand it a little. Burgerville is FANTASTIC!).

But I am grateful that we can now talk like adults without the adolescent crap that somehow made it’s way into our 20s.

Maybe it also has something to do with the fact that he chose to marry someone who is eerily like his sister in many ways.

Come on…I had to say it. 🙂

5 Senses…uhhh…Wednesday

This post is inspired by fellow Portland blogger Abby Try Again. I have been reading more and more local blogs lately – particularly photography blogs. I just love seeing other photographer views of the city I live in and Abby’s photos are just so soft and beautiful. They’re not perfect and I think that’s what I love most about them. I can totally appreciate another photographer who embraces the blur and makes it part of her unique style.

Today I am stealing Abby’s blog topic and posting my own version of Five Senses Friday… but on Wednesday night.

Sight: Giant bubbles as Samuel’s birthday party.

Sound: The many noises of a nature hike – birds chirping, wind rustling in the trees…

…all drowned out by the sound of about 20 toddlers looking for scavenger hunt items.

Taste: Cherries. A food which, for most of my life, was associated with Christmas (love Australia’s summer holidays), but is now associated with the enormous relief in May that winter may well be over for another year.

Smell: Some beautiful peonies which provided decoration for a girl’s picnic in the park.

Touch: bare feet and thongs (or flip flops of you prefer) – made possible thanks to a fabulous pedicure.

This was fun! Leave me a comment if you post your own list of five senses.

Benema Part 1

My brother (Ben) and his fiancee (Emma) were here for a short visit. I’ll call them Benema whenever it’s more convenient and, well, because it’s funny. It was the first time either of had been to the US, and over six months since we visited them in Australia, so we had a lot of catching up to do.

Of course I knew Thomas would “catch up” quickly – especially because I had prior knowledge of the little gift that was coming his way all the way from Australia.

Nothing like a Fireman Sam costume to make sure your Nephew remembers you well after you’re gone. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Thomas so excited.

The rest of the first day of their visit was spent bonding. It didn’t take long. Apparently Benema are very likeable.

Oh, and we drank a little bit of alcohol. It continued through the five days that they were here and this is the last time I will mention it…Let’s just say that someone drove by in a van to collect the bottles for recycling. A van.

Dentist

Thomas’ very first visit to the dentist. Of course they laughed when I pulled out the big camera to memorialize the occasion, but isn’t your first dentist appointment something you want to remember? Many years down the track, Thomas will look back on these pictures and remember how your and innocent and cavity free he was. And, as someone begins drilling into one of his molars, he’ll be able to reflect on a time when the dentist was a fun, new experience full of free toothbrushes and star wars figurine bribes.

Yes – I bribed my son to go to the dentist.

It was the pleas of “I don’t want to go Mummy” that finally got me. That, and the fact that our dentist office is right beside Fred Myer. I think they planned it that way.

Actually, there really wasn’t much for me to worry about. We began with the hygenist introducing Thomas to all the cool tools (no drills!). The mirror was his favourite and he asked for it again and again. I’m sure he gets his vanity from his father.

The cool glasses were also a hit. I’m surprised he gave them back.

And there was not even one tiny complaint when some strange woman began shoving her fingers in his mouth. I always complain when that happens.

Final verdict – beautiful teeth. Straight, healthy and clean. He gets THAT from his mother.

8 Things

I was tagged by Karen and, since summer TV has begun and I am watching reruns of Law and Order SVU, I thought now was the perfect time to respond. I really hate Summer TV season. 

8 Things I’m Looking Forward To

1. Friday (around 5pm)
2. A girls weekend in Seattle next week (whoo hoo)
3. Finally getting to see Samuel walk (the kid has been teasing us for a long time)
4. More arugula from our veggie garden
5. Seeing my brother and (soon-to-be) sister-in-law again – missing them already
6. A trip home to Australia for their wedding next year
7. My Mum’s visit in August.
8. The bottom of the pile of laundry that I am working on.

8 Things I Did Yesterday
1. Caught up at work after a week of leave.
2. Edited Photos 
3. Blogged 
4. Picked my boys up from daycare
5. Watched Samuel laugh – a lot.
6. Hosted the little girl next door for dinner (without warning)
7. Tidied up my house (it was overdue)
8. Laundry (still not done)

8 Things I Wish I Could Do
1. Quit my job and take up photography full time (dreams)
2. Get someone in to clean the house (working on it)
3. Get Samuel to sleep later than 5am
4. Click my fingers and have our whole backyard look like an oasis.
5. Choose a colour to paint my house
6. Win the lottery so I could travel home whenever I felt like it.
7. Get my act together and organize my US citizenship
8. Eat sushi for dinner every night in the summer

8 Shows I Watch
1. Lost
2. American Idol
3. Desperate Housewives
4. Law and Order SVU
5. Medium
6. Oprah (and not ashmaed to admit it)
7. House
8. Criminal Minds

Now don’t you know more about me than you ever needed to?

I have no idea who reads this blog (Karen may be the only one). So if you’re reading, now is the time to complete this tag and link me up. 🙂