It’s Friday and it’s sunny. The only thing that happens less frequently in Portland at this time of the year is a sunny weekend but it looks like we’re going to be blessed with that as well.
The last couple of weeks have been strange and difficult but I feel as though I’m slowly coming out of the fog. People warned me that I would think that I’d moved on and then suddenly an image or a feeling of grief will overtake me and they were right. Driving seems to be the most difficult time, when my mind wanders and there’s no one to jump in and change the topic that’s running through my head. Unfortunately my complicated commute means that I’m on the road for at least a couple of hours a day. Ira Glass and The Moth have been keeping me company but it sometimes feels like pop culture is a minefield. The smallest reference to anything remotely related to our experience can send my mind running through the events of that morning one more time. And then there’s the family suffering an unspeakable loss that I can’t stop thinking about. My heart breaks for them every day.
Still, I feel as though the fog is no longer the that black cloud that it was on those first few days. I am grateful for a community that came together to hold each other up – literally and figuratively. I’m grateful for a school counselor who gave my son the extra listening ear he needed. It’s been less that two weeks (two weeks!) but somehow feels like a lifetime ago. And while I want to move forward, I really don’t want to forget. There have been a few events in my life that have helped shape who I am and I’m determined to ensure this one shapes me in many positive ways. It seems like the only suitable memorial.
So, I plan to move forward with this little blog that almost no one reads. And, although I’m sure most people didn’t need to read that whole convoluted intro, it was important for me to put these thoughts out there because I didn’t know how I would go back to blogging about sunshine without it.