The internet is an amazing thing. I can read about the lives of strangers who live far across the world with incredibly ordinary yet strangely interesting things to say about love and family and happiness and…loss. It seems that in the past few months I have come across a number of blogs written by women with young families who have experienced a loss I fear most… the loss of a child. Reading these blogs makes me feel so many things – awe at the strength of these parents, absolute sadness that makes me want to cry and completely and utterly thankful for my own situation. It also makes me aware of how quickly things can change and how grateful I must be for every moment when my boys are happy and healthy and developing normally.

I am grateful for the miracle of breastfeeding. That I can nourish my child and that he is thriving on that nourishment.

I am grateful for the fact that I can hold my boys and cuddle them and kiss them – because I know many parents don’t immediately have this opportunity, if at all.

I am grateful that I can change their diapers (can’t believe I just put that in writing).

I am grateful for the little miracles that I experience every day. When Samuel coos and smiles, when Thomas uses a new word or recognizes his own name written on a piece of paper.

I am grateful that they are here.

I have a friend. She is 44 years old and trying to have a second child after many years of infertility. Her first pregnancy was a true miracle through IVF. A few days ago her husband was telling us about their visits to the fertility doctor. The doctor told them that they had a 2% chance of getting pregnant. The irony, he said, was that when he was young he saw that 2% risk warning on a box of condoms as a risk worth taking and that his chances of getting a girl pregnant were very low. Now he sees 2% as a glimmer of hope. 2% means it CAN happen. That for every 100 couples of their age with fertility problems, 2 of them will get pregnant.

When I was pregnant with Samuel decided to have a test that would provide us with a probablity that he would be born with Downs Syndrome. We took the same test with Thomas and the results were comforting – a 1 in 700 chance which set our minds at ease. With Samuel the results were not comforting – a 1 in 100 chance. For me that meant that for every 100 couples who got this result, one couple would have child with Downs. I found that oddly comforting. The odds were in our favour. Yet I had this strange ache in the depths of my heart for that one couple who had to have child with problems so that the statistics would support our dream of a healthy child.

Yet I have another friend who has a friend with Downs Syndrome and one day she said to me “you don’t know what it is to reach a milestone until you have worked and worked for months to achieve it. Nothing beats that feeling.”

So today I am going to remain grateful for every day that my family is happy and healthy and here. Cautiously grateful… because I am all too aware that fate could choose to swoop in and mess with the delicate balance of life. I only hope that if it were to happen, that I would have as much honesty and

Today I am feeling truly inspired.