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It’s time to finish the story of Samuel’s birth and begin the story of his life. I can’t believe how quickly my memory is fading already so it’s important I jot this down while I can.

I can’t believe I have finally seen my baby. All those months of wondering what he will look like and worrying about whether he will be healthy are over and he is finally here.

The period of time after I met Samuel in the operating room is a blur. I know they stitched me up and made sure everything was OK with the baby but I don’t know how long it took. All I knew is that it was over and I still had no feeling in my body below my chest. I also knew that I now had to face my second biggest fear (after the risk of Down’s Syndrome) – nursing.

Thomas was a terrible nurser. His birth was a little traumatic and I think that may have played a part. He was also very small. Basically he just didn’t want to latch on and I spent three months after his birth trying everything to get him to nurse properly. He eventually got it but only after many marathon nursing/pumping sessions, lots of tears and boatload of patience. Getting Thomas to nurse successfully was a great achievement and I am so proud of myself for seeing it through, but I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to go through it all again. 

They wheeled me back to my room and the first thing I noticed was that I was wide awake and didn’t feel pumped full of drugs like I had with Thomas. I’m not sure if it was because I had a full night’s sleep the night before or if it was because they changed the way they administered drugs (directly to my belly instead of through my whole body). All I knew is that I could sit up properly and actually hold my baby to nurse. They brought Samuel to me and after about 2 minutes of trying he latched right on.  I nearly cried with excitement. It was the best feeling in the world. He really hasn’t stopped nursing since and we have been spared many of the worries that we had with Thomas.

The hospital where I delivered likes to move you, as soon as possible, from the big cushy delivery room to a teeny tiny little post-delivery room. It’s a good thing I didn’t have much family around because those rooms can get very small with more than two people. This was to be my home for the next five days as I got to know my new little boy.

There was a lot of pain from the c-section but I was up and moving (slowly) the first night. I don;t remember it being as painful as it was with Thomas and there are a few reason for this. First of all it’s amazing how much they have improved pain medication in less that three years. I didn’t feel pumped full of drugs yet my pain was controlled. The other thing that was different was the whole birth experience. It was planned this way which meant no labour, a good night’s sleep before the birth and very little stress. The one thing I wasn’t expecting was the pain as my uterus contracted. Friends had told me about it but I wasn’t prepared for the aching that hit me – especially while I was nursing. Apparently it gets worse with every child, which makes me think about these women who have 6 or 7 or 8 children. Masochists.

It’s very difficult for me to feel like an invalid and be dependent on people. I felt guilty everytime I called for a nurse to help me except when it came to the baby. I knew enough the second time around to truly take advantage of the nursery, especially at night when I was on my own. I would send Samuel to the nursery at around 9pm and then they would bring him back for feedings. They would also change his diaper so I didn’t actually have to change him until 4 days after delivery. Don’t worry – I have more than made up for it since.

It took me a little while to bond with Samuel. I had identified myself as Thomas’ mother for almost three years and now I was the mother of two. And Samuel looked so much like Thomas that it was almost as if I were reliving his birth all over again. In fact it took me a few days to stop calling Samuel by Thomas’ name just out of habit.

But sometime during that week in the hospital, in the middle of the night when it was just the two of us, we developed a connection and he really became my son. And now I can’t imagine what life was like without him. Every day he shows me more and more of his personality – including his first smile at three weeks! He’s been with us for less than two months but I feel like our family was incomplete before he arrived.

Of course people have now started asking me if we plan to have any more children. Maybe try for a girl. I have decided that we won’t decide for a couple of years but I have left my options open. I do know, however, that wanting a little girl cannot be the reason that we have another child. It has to be because we want to add to our family – boy or girl. I just don’t need that kind of pressure (although apparently Kei is ultimately the deciding factor). Right now I am content with just the four of us and honestly couldn’t conceive the added craziness that another child would add to our hectic lives.

Right now I am happy watching my two little boys grow, all the while trying not to blink so I don’t miss a second.